To the guy in the big red truck: If you are close enough that I can tell what brand of cell phone you are talking on in the .2 seconds it takes to blast past me and my bicycle…. you are too damn close.

To the lady reading her mail (the one in the really … interesting… sweater): We are not cars. We move by our own accord. We are both on the same side. Us against them. We should work WITH each other, and standing there in the bike path reading your mail, forcing me to either swerve into traffic or stop even though I’d just gotten up to speed is NOT working together.

And to the asshole in the jeep: Honking at me is not funny, flirtatious or flattering. It just makes me want to kill you with my “nice ass” which, coincidently, is large enough to completely cut off your air supply which is WHY I’m riding my bike.