Chastity has been a love of mine since as long as I can remember. I had just starting on my journey as a professional dominatrix and a client came to me with a cage he had purchased from Mr S in San Francisco and it was love at first key holding. After all these years I still feel that thrill every single time I take control of someone’s key.
People who are unfamiliar with chastity often mistake the idea of locking someone in chastity for cutting off or ignoring their sex drive. In reality it is about making their sex drive skyrocket – and using that high drive to control and mold them. Long term chastity, a month or more, can be edge play that really pushes the bottom mentally into a deliciously subservient and eager to please state. But it takes planning, communication, and emotional labor from the keyholder. You will also want to set up boundaries so that the keyholder doesn’t feel bombarded by a desperate keyholder, and the caged doesn’t feel abandoned by the keyholder.
With Locktober looming, I thought I would share this so those of you who are interested in longer term chastity could start prepping! Being in physical chastity for a month can be challenging but with the proper care and attention, Locktober can easily roll into NoNutNovember! Then by December you will realize what a gift long term chastity is and you can truly give up control to your keyholder.
And yes – I’m open to holding keys for Locktober – or longer! Scroll to the bottom for some of my favorite chastity devices on OXY Shop. They have a stunning collection of chastity cages – including cheeky 3D printed and resin ones, lots of long time favorites, and chastity kits for experimenting with different size rings. Want me to be your keyholder? Your first step is filling out my application.
Still want to learn more? Check out my two hour class on Chastity entitled Lock It Up! OXY Shop also has a great write up on Locktober as well; What is Locktober? Why you should stay locked in a chastity cage for 30 days.
Just a sampling of my favorite chastity photos!
This was outlined by my long time chastity slut and edited by me. This is written for those who want be in chastity long term and have a penis, but I’m sure there is lots of information keyholders or femme bodied chastity sluts can learn from.
Background and Definitions
The author has nearly two decades of experience with chastity and has been locked in a highly secure Lori’s Chastity Device for over three years—the last two of which have been without any release. While much of the following is based on his experience, it also incorporates the experiences of several other committed chastity enthusiasts with whom the author has spoken in depth about chastity. Almost every term used when discussing chastity can have a different meaning depending on who is talking about it. To maintain clarity, I will define long-term chastity as being locked in a secure device such that the wearer cannot gain any access to their penis without a key that they do not control, and of which they do not know when or even if the person controlling the key will allow them out of the device.
I chose this definition because after talking to lots of chastity lovers, the above seems to be the most frequent and also most exciting chastity fantasy. For better or worse, guys seem obsessed with inescapable devices, completely losing control of the key and having someone else decide when or if they can get an orgasm. In the limit, many fantasize about being locked permanently.
Please note that this definition does NOT imply that this fantasy is the “best” way to experience chastity or that someone pursuing it has more chastity cred than someone enjoying chastity a different way. There is a tendency for longer-term wearers to put down the guy occasionally enjoying chastity and that is just wrong as they are different experiences not a longer version of the same thing.
The last point to make before diving in is to draw the distinction between long-term chastity and serial short-term chastity. I have known guys (and I have been one myself) who get themselves seriously locked for anywhere from two weeks to a couple of months, build up sexual excitement, arrange to get out when it peaks, get off, and then re-lock for another go… and another… cycle and repeat. Some men I know have gone more than five years with this type of cycle, and while it is immensely satisfying, it is not the same experience as what I define as long-term chastity. The loss of control and the denial long past the peak of arousal make long-term chastity a vastly different experience.
Physical Issues with Long-Term Chastity
Long-term chastity is not easy to get used to and it can be quite a pain to sustain. These are some of the physical issues you likely will have to confront. Because everybody is different and every chastity cage is different, it will take some time to experiment and figure out what’s right for you.
- You WILL need to keep your penis and the device clean
- Your device should have holes that permit you to use a swab to get soap and water to every bit of skin on your penis and balls
- Foam swabs seem to work better and hold up longer than cotton swabs
- You will likely need to clean every single day with soap and/or mouthwash
- Some people use soap and then a few times a week also use mouthwash to take care of bacteria
- If you have a smell when you remove your briefs, then you are not cleaning often enough
- To make staying clean easier, you will probably want to shave around the device – including your balls – every day or so
- Pubic hair traps both sweat and oils and any lube you are using and makes a hard to clean mess very quickly
- It is easier just to shave it all before getting locked and then keep it shaved
- And yes, this is hard to do when locked and requires a lot of practice – expect nicks where you don’t want them
- After cleaning, you will want to dry the device thoroughly even on the inside of the
device- An electric hair blower and a swab can help direct air to the inside of the device even when you are locked into it
- Taking all of these steps can easily double (or more) your shower time
- When you do remove the device for a check-up, a trip, or an emergency, keep in mind that if you don’t re-lock in about 24 hours, your skin will start to peel since the oils are no longer held in against the skin. If this starts, you might want to wait to re-lock until it has cleared up which may take up to a week
- If you have a device which lets part of your tip protrude or otherwise has a hole at the tip, you should use a swab to change the part of your tip pressing against the hole multiple times a day
- If you don’t do this and are locked for a long time, your skin will start to deform at the hole and slowly you can develop a bulge around your hole that will stay there after you finally get out
- If you have a ball ring, chafing can be a real problem. You do NOT want sores under the ring
- The easiest solution is some type of lube. Standard lubes are often greasy and not designed for keeping skin from rubbing and chafing
- Many uses find a chafing gel such as Monistat Care Chafing Gel (or its generic equivalents) to be great for long-term use
- Baby powder or antiperspirant can also help keep things dry and help with chafing
- You may find that your device rubs against your leg and causes soreness there
- A good solution is a roll on such as Gold Bond Friction Defense used on the leg
- You likely will have to make some changes to your wardrobe
- Many find that they can no longer wear briefs as underwear and have to switch to boxers
- Tight pants will show the outline of your device and can pinch your balls against the device
- Swimsuits can really reveal the outlines of the device
- You likely will have to change the way you approach some physical activities
- Riding a bike can be both painful and potentially dangerous because of the seat and the crossbar
- Getting into and out of car seats can require extra care
- Hard wooden seats can be painful to sit on for long
- You should take extra care when playing sports – getting hit in the crotch when wearing an unyielding device is both painful and can cause real damage since the usual give is not there
Psychological Issues with Long-Term Chastity
Tough as the physical issues can be, the psychological issues can actually be harder to deal with. As time passes, you learn to master the physical challenges and they become easier to handle. By contrast, as you stay locked longer and longer, the experience usually becomes more and more intense and the psychological issues just become bigger.
- You will likely lose the sense of having a penis at some point in a long lock-up. This can be very difficult to come to grips with. That sense doesn’t suddenly disappear suddenly one day; instead you slowly lose that physical sense. Psychologically, in a very real sense, you can come to feel unmanned
- If you are seriously locked and cannot get out unless someone else lets you out, you are likely to reach the point where you feel you can’t take it anymore and have to get out
- You are likely to need a lot of time from your keyholder and might become
angry or act out with them - This can lead to arguments and an abrupt end to your chastity
- Assuming they keep you locked, you quite possibly can come to resent your
keyholder - The chastity can stop being fun and you can suddenly feel trapped which you
can do nothing about - If the feeling is bad enough, you can have a panic attack, or feel betrayed by your keyholder
- You and your keyholder should know in advance that this can happen and be
prepared in advance with what you will do if it occurs
- You are likely to need a lot of time from your keyholder and might become
- Conversely, some men turn off their libido and are no longer excited by their usual
sexual stimuli- This isn’t a problem of course if you are in long term chastity precisely with the goal of losing your sex drive
- For other men, this can strip all the fun out of chastity for both you and the keyholder
With long-term chastity, a man can experience both a loss of libido AND insane levels of desire at different times. This puts a huge strain not only on the wearer but the keyholder as well. The longer one is locked by a keyholder, the more dependent you are likely to get towards that keyholder. You are likely to want more attention and care from the keyholder than they would normally want to devote to your chastity
Both wearers and keyholders should keep in mind that the experience is FAR, FAR more intense for the wearer than the holder. The wearer lives with it 24/7, the holder only occasionally.
Over time, the keyholder can easily fall prey to out of sight, out of mind. In the first few weeks, the chastity can be really exciting for you both, but as you two figure it out, that sense of discovery fades and it becomes more routine for the holder since they are not experiencing the changes the wearer is, at best they only observe some of them. So over time, wearers tend to get more intense and want more contact while holders tend to get less engaged and see less need for contact
Before entering into long-term chastity with someone, you both should understand this is likely to happen and figure out how you will deal with it. On top of all that, the wearer is likely to view long-term chastity a lot differently after a few years than they did when starting. What the wearer wants and gets out of chastity may not turn out to be what the holder signed on for. The resulting conflict can add stress to an already stressful situation for the wearer.
And if all that was not enough, the holder is also likely to change his/her attitude towards chastity. This change is likely to be slow and unless both parties are alert to the possibility, the holder may slowly change the way they approach chastity.
- Quite a few start to tune out once the initial excitement fades
- A smaller number come to really embrace the chastity and may increase the severity or length of the lockup because it is doing more for them then they originally thought.
With both holder and wearer changing attitudes towards chastity over time, if you both want a successful experience, you should frequently check-in and discuss what chastity does for each of you at that moment and make sure you are still on the same page. If the wearer is committed to chastity and the holder is not, you two may need to find another keyholder.
To avoid giving the wearer a chance to get control back even for a short time, you could try having the current holder give/send control of the key to the new holder. Passing the key on to another holder also prevents the eager and sometimes desperate chastity sub from inadvertently pestering their partner for the key in a moment of weakness. It can be easier for the partner to point the flustered chaste sub to their keyholder who will remind them of the rules.
Getting into and out of Long-Term Chastity
One can’t just leap into long-term chastity. It takes a long-time and a lot of preparation to be able to safely sustain chastity. The body AND the mind need time to adjust to the restriction and confinement and both physical and psychological problems can and do occur if you try to rush it.
- Build up your chastity stamina in slow steps.
- Start with a simple device and wear it for a short time – a day or less
- While wearing it, check for comfort, especially made sure that it does not cut off blood to the balls
- After taking it off, check your skin for nicks or bruising – stay out for a day
- Adjust the device as needed and then wear it for 2 days
- Repeat the check-in steps including staying out for a day.
- Wear it for 4 days – repeat the check-in steps
- Wear it for a week, then 2 weeks, then a month, then 2 months, then a quarter
- Don’t forget to stay out a day between each step and always adjust as needed
- If you have made it this far, then you are ready for longer-term chastity
If you are serious about losing control of the device, make sure that the key(s) are unique to your device. Getting a recessed lock that is keyed the same as thousands of cheap metal devices is not a secure device at all. In the same vein, if you want a real loss of control, it should be difficult to get a replacement key.
You do want at least 2 keys to the device – things get lost and you will need a way out in emergencies. If this is a new device, then you will need to start over breaking in the device to catch any issues. You may need to get the device modified if the fit isn’t just right. DO NOT accept a not quite right fit – it will come back to bite you with long-term wear. Work with the device manufacturer to get it adjusted for that perfect fit. I got my device adjusted initially and it was worth the few weeks delay since I have worn it for years without having to take it off.
Somewhere between 2 weeks and a month, if you are still committed, it is time to switch to a more secure device that is designed for long term wear. You absolutely need a device that enables you to get soap and water to every bit of your skin on your penis and balls. Although they look fierce, solid metal devices, and devices with caps are probably NOT good choices. Devices with built in sounds are a no-go for long-term; infection is likely with even moderate term wear.
Many men want a locking piercing for extra security – I have read that the risk of injury or infection is greater with a locking piercing. If you plan to wear the device for years, it is worth it to get a custom made device. A good fit is essential for long-term wear. If the device is too small, you will likely have problems cleaning and are more likely to have physical issues. Your cock should only be stressed when trying to get erect, not at rest. If the device is too big, you will likely be able to easily orgasm which kinda defeats the idea in the first place. You are also more likely to have skin problems with chafing.
The best fit is a comfortable and snug but not tight fit. Be careful with measuring for the device. You will tend to be excited and what you think is flaccid is likely to be longer and thicker than you normally are. Take multiple measurements at different times of day. Try to avoid devices with exposed locks – the can be cut off and they tend to ruin your clothes.
Unless you already have a way to keep the key secure, start looking for a secure solution after you can safely stay locked for at least a month without release. There is a lot of getting in and out and adjustment during those first rounds of getting acclimated and frankly, most keyholders will lose patience with you and your chastity. You can do these first steps yourself and don’t need a secure key solution until you will be staying locked for a reasonable length of time. Although a human keyholder is the obvious solution, there are other options. There are electronic safes where you can put your key in for a set period of time including some safes that only open when time has expired and do not have a backdoor. There are some on-line apps that with varying levels of ease, permit you to lock away your key in a lockbox and hide the combination until certain conditions are met.
Find a person willing to hold your key UNDER CONDITIONS THAT WILL WORK FOR BOTH OF YOU. The bold words cannot be stressed enough. The pull of chastity will be very strong for you … until it isn’t. Your keyholder is not likely to have anywhere near as strong a pull. You are likely to want a LOT more attention paid to your chastity than the keyholder is likely to want to give.
Your mood and attitude towards chastity is likely to change too over time and your keyholder both needs to understand this AND be willing to put up with your shifting moods and neediness. For these reasons an extended trial period where at the end of the period, either of you can end it without any questions is an excellent (some would say essential) idea. Before you commit to long-term chastity, you and your keyholder must have total agreement about how much power the keyholder will have.
- You MUST agree on maximum duration before being unlocked (which could be no limit, but you have to agree)
- You should agree on minimum duration of a lockup as well
- You MUST agree as to whether you will have a safeword where
you can end the chastity immediately with no questions asked. Sometimes that safeword will require a 24 hour cooling off period so the chastity submissive can make this is truly something they want to end and not simple a moment of weakness. But again – that must be agreed on when starting. - You MUST agree on how emergencies will be handled – both physical and psychological. You both must agree what constitutes an emergency and generally how it will be dealt with. Does the wearer have the ability to declare an emergency situation, or does the ultimate decision rest with the keyholder?
- You MUST have an agreed upon way to get the chastity off in an emergency – you can have an emergency key laminated to prevent easy use on your person at all times, have a key in place where tampering/access is obvious, the keyholder can have a key they can get to you quickly or you can decide that you will take the risk and have to have the lock or device cut off in an emergency. Whatever you decide, you both have to have agreed in advance. An actual emergency is NOT the time to figure this
out. - You also should figure out how you will deal with things like doctor’s visits, swimming, air travel, jury duty or other situations where having a chastity device on could be embarrassing or cause other problems.
Both during the trial period and afterwards, you should have regularly scheduled check-in periods where both of you are free without any penalty to tell the other about any issues with the chastity. This is an excellent way to prevent a huge and unexpected blow-up. If you and your potential keyholder do not understand the above and do not commit to both being patient and understanding or cannot agree on a limited trial period – DO NOT START – look for someone else or reconsider what YOU want out of chastity.
Assuming you are in a keyholder relationship, you will both need to spend a lot of timemand effort to keep the chastity relationship a positive one. Your mood is likely to vary a lot, especially as the chastity gets longer and more intense. As time passes, there will be times that you will want out “for real.” You and your keyholder must expect those times and should have agreed in advance how to handle those times. Can you whine and beg and vent and get angry or do you have to suck it up and power on through it or something in-between? The only right answer is the one that works for both of you. Your libido is likely to change – it could disappear or become uncontrollable. You both should be aware that this is likely to happen and give some thought to
how you might handle it before it becomes an issue. While you will get better and faster over time with dealing with the physical issues (such a long cleaning times) around chastity, they will still be a burden.
You and your keyholder must be prepared to accept these issues and find work arounds (such as understanding there may be no such thing as a quick shower or that it is impossible to ride a standard bike and get a recumbent instead) Understand that your keyholder may lose interest or find all the accommodations to you and your chastity to become a drag over time and that they may want to end or modify the keyholding relationship before you do. More rarely, your keyholder may come to enjoy chastity more than you do and may want to make the experience more intense for you than it already is.
Getting out of chastity
Unless your keyholder decides on permanent chastity for you, you will eventually be taking off that device. The longer you have been really, truly locked in a secure device, the harder it will be to have the device taken off. Physically, the longer you have been locked in a device, the more your body will have adjusted to the constraints of the device. In particular, the ligaments to your balls may have changed if you have a device which traps the balls. You may need to wear briefs that help support your balls until they adjust back.You may even need to wean yourself off of chastity just like you did to prepare yourself to be able to wear it for long periods
You may find it difficult to get a full erection or to orgasm after being locked for a long time. Don’t be surprised if you aren’t ready to swing back into action immediately. You may have to build up your erections and stamina and the longer you are locked the more time this may take. You may find that you do not get as long when you have an erection. It is possible that this is a permanent effect.
Psychologically, the longer you have been securely locked away, the harder it will be to stay out of chastity. If you are locked long enough, you may lose the sense of having a penis and it will feel strange not to be surrounded by a device. You may find you have developed a psychological block around getting erections or orgasms. You may come to feel that it is “wrong” to get hard. You may feel a loss of purpose or feel that you have failed somehow. You may even feel like you are being punished by being out of a device! You may find yourself re-locking and trying to recapture that long-locked feeling (which rarely works). You may feel abandoned by your keyholder, even if it was something you completely understood and even agreed to. These feelings will take time to fade and for some the adjustment may be so tough that they will feel the need to get back into chastity.
If you have a keyholder, work with the keyholder to transition back to a non-chastity life. They should help you get reacquainted with your penis and can use their power over you to get you back to your normal with
tasks or goals to please them. Generally, do not immediately give into the temptation to re-lock, instead
work with your keyholder to get accustomed to being unlocked. Once it feels normal not to be locked, then you can sensibly consider whether you want to re-lock.
Chastity when you are in a relationship with someone
Overall, long-term chastity can be less fraught when the wearer is single. In theory and fantasy, having a girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/etc. hold your key is the perfect solution. In practice, the case is not so clear.
- It is highly unlikely that both of you will have exactly the same desire for chastity or want the same thing out of it.
- The horny bottom will tend to delude himself as to how much his other wants to try chastity and overestimate their agreement as to what it will look like
- There is a tendency to rush in to the long-term after some great experiences with short-term chastity but remember they are NOT the same thing
- Also recall that over time the chastity will get more intense for you and has a real
chance of becoming more of a pain for your wearer
Unlike chastity with a remote (physically and emotionally) keyholder, you will be seeing your “other” most days or may even be living with them. Chastity WILL add stress to the hundreds of things that stress a relationship. It is very hard to keep chastity separate from the rest of your lives together. If the wearer is angry that the holder will not let him out, it is so tempting to act out in other areas of your relationship to make the holder relent. If the holder is angry with the wearer, they can either threaten to immediately end the chastity or to throw away the key (don’t assume that in the heat of a really intense argument that your key won’t get tossed across the lawn or out a window)
To make this work, the two of you have to both be aware of the stresses chastity brings and to be open to discussing them when they start to become a problem – don’t wait for the blow-up.
If the two of you drift too far apart in how you feel about chastity, you should have a plan in advance for how to bring their keyholding to an end. This may involve bringing the chastity to an end or changing it from long-term to short-term, or working with your partner to find a third party keyholder.
As long as there is lots of open communication, long term chastity can be a great addition to any relationship, but it will take work. Even if you are not in a romantic relationship with your keyholder, it will take work to keep the relationship healthy. Bi-monthly or even weekly check ins are a must!
LOOKING FOR A NEW DEVICE?
I love to collection at OXY shop. When I started there were very few devices that were mass marketed. Most people had the CB2k which was… fine. Eventually it was released in pink which felt like a huge step forward. I would occasionally see people who had homemade devices that bordered on unsafe. One person used to show up wearing something fashioned out of the pour spout of a bleach container chained on like a g-string.
It was truly dark times.
Now people can design and print them from home if they have the right nerdy equipment. And if not – OXY shop has you covered.
The Guardian Size Bundles
These bundles can be customized to create a set that runs on either side of what you think might fit allowing you to try different sizes to see what fits your body long term.
Finding the perfect fit is key – but can be difficult and require purchasing several cages to try them. This cuts right to the chase.
Heart Shaped Key Necklace for chastity
Super sweet gift for your keyholder! A custom lock and key. Each comes with two keys and a new lock which you can just slide into your cage to replace the old one.
Go check it out! There is also a lotus flower which I think I might like better.
My favorite: The htV4
I’m a big fan of the HTV4 for long term wear. It’s a solid affordable choice and one of the most discreet even when working out. Your body heat helps it conform to you body, while the ring alignment makes it completely inescapable. I also like the way the HTV4 limits sensation and makes erections very uncomfortable. You do have to take it off occasionally to clean thoroughly. Just not… too thoroughly. Haha!
Seriously. Check it out!
Finally – I simply adore all of these fun tiny chastity devices! They are meant to not only lock your cock away – but to force it to stay inside your body where it belongs. The one in the middle has a catheter built in and will make it look like your little tiny boi pussy just squirted every time you have to pee.
These tiny chastity devices are hard to fully clean and can prevent your bladder from fully emptying leading to problems over time. Devices with sounds and catheters built-in can allow bacteria in. Both cases can lead to infection and prevent you from wearing any chastity while it heals. Both built in sounds and micro cages can stop you from fully emptying your bladder and lead to infections. Save them for date nights and special occasions.